Once upon a time, almost all new mothers were teenagers. People simply didn't live long enough to have it any other way. As industrialization grew, it became less and less desirable to have babies at an early age. More education was required to function in a modern world, childhood lasted significantly longer and motherhood was delayed. Today, childhood, as defined by the completion of one's education, can last into the middle or late 20s. A huge gap between the earning power of under or uneducated teens and their counterparts who remain in school is very evident. It is an unfortunate fact that having a baby makes the probability of finishing school remote.
Modern birth control hasn't helped
One might think that with the birth control pill celebrating its 50th birthday, the specter of unwanted pregnancy would be gone. Not only do we have the Pill, we have hormone therapy, improved condoms, better diaphragms and more comprehensive sex education. However, modern birth control has not helped much. There are several reasons for this.
Parental squeamishness
Parents never really get over the feeling that their child is young and in need of protection. It's hard for parents to think of their teen as a sexual being. Sex is an adult pleasure and reserved for adults; a teenager is not an adult.
This is both right and wrong. Physically, a teenager is an adult. Socially and financially, teens are dependent children. It is a difficult dualism to deal with. The teen feels grown-up, the parents see her only as a baby. They are reluctant to have "the talk" with their children, relying on abstinence and telling their children not to do "it."
They simply do not want to believe their baby has grown into a sexually active adult. The logic seems to be that if you don't talk about it, it won't happen. Parents of girls live in the happy belief that if they don't equip their daughters with birth control, they won't need it.
Teen optimism
Young people have a very firm belief that "it can't happen to me." This spans everything from car accidents to unprotected sex. When they become sexually active, little or no thought is given to either disease or pregnancy. Indeed, birth control is often rejected because if a girl is prepared for sex, she is a slut or a tramp; if it just happens, it's true love.
The value of curfews
As far as preventing teen pregnancy goes, there is no value at all. Yes, there should be a curfew. Teens need rules just as young children do but be aware that anything that might go on after nine o'clock can just as easily go on before nine o'clock, probably more easily as the parents won't be suspicious at that time of night.
Teen sex can also take place without a bedroom or even a bed. Or much privacy, for that matter.
The value of talk
The value of talking to your teen depends on how you do it. If you storm around forbidding your child to do things or hang out with certain people, you are almost certainly buying yourself a big fat problem. You will be regarded as an evil monster who never listens. Storm and stomp all you like, but in private. It's really hard to do, but try. A lot may be riding on it.
The time to start talking to your teen is when the child is three or four. If you have a reputation of being reasonable early on, it is easier to control the kid during the teen years.
If you have daughters, they should be aware of what goes on in their own bodies in terms of menstruation, ovulation and birth control long before they actually begin to menstruate. It will make it easier to talk to your child when she needs to know about it. This dialogue is so loathsome to some parents that it makes giving birth look easy! Do it anyway, just like you have forced yourself to do disagreeable things to help your child all along. (The world has yet to hear "Yummy! Another dirty smelly diaper!")
If, by some ghastly mischance she does get pregnant, it is imperative that she be able to talk to you without you yelling.
Is she pregnant?
If the worst happens and your daughter does get pregnant, you have a limited number of options – abortion, giving the child up for adoption, and keeping the baby and raising it. None of them are appealing but one of the three has to happen. It's not going to go away.
If you opt for abortion, you are on a tight time budget. It is a dreadful decision to make but it has to be made quickly – the earlier the procedure is done the better your daughter's chances of survival are. Carrying to term has its own hazards and heartbreaks, and a doctor must be involved in the discussion. The worst course of action you can take is to force your daughter and the father of her baby into a shotgun wedding. Forced marriages are seldom successful.
The other thing you fear
A baby isn't the only thing you can catch from unprotected sex. There are some truly dreadful diseases out there.
Our reaction to venereal, or sexually transmitted disease (STD) is still archaic. While the disclosure of pregnancy is often met with sympathy, the disclosure of an STD will usually be met with horror. This is wrong. If your child has contracted an STD, she is not dirty; she is sick and needs medical treatment. Fast.
There are more recognized STDs out there than ever before. Medical science is having a hard time keeping up with newly mutated disease organisms. Some are variations of an old theme, others are brand new. No matter what the diagnosis is, your child needs you to be in full-on parent mode like you were when she was little.
A disclosure of pregnancy is not the end of the world although it may seem like it. Your 'baby' could be telling you she has AIDS.
Jennifer Wilding - I am a graduate of McMaster University with degrees in religion and politics. The original plan had been to put my degrees to work but a ...
Join the Conversation